Forgiveness is an elusive beast. We try to find it, so that we can let it go… yet we don’t even know what it looks like. We expect others to have it… or we think we know what needs to be done, only to find it impossible to let go, no matter how hard we try.
There isn’t one type of hurt, so there’s no “one-size-fits-all” type of forgiveness. Yet if we can determine how we got into it in the first place, we might just find our way out.
Ask yourself these questions:
Am I the casualty of someone else's war?
Have you been hurt by the actions of another person? Were you the only one? If not, then this really isn’t about you. It’s about someone lashing out at everyone else; and you just happened to be too close.
Did I not fit into someone else's world view?
Maybe the attack really was at you directly. You know this because they told you. But was it really about you, or was it about that other person’s idea of “right” and “wrong”? When someone judges you, it’s all about THEM. Again, it really isn’t about you.
Is this a misunderstanding between good people?
Then again, sometimes it IS about you… at least a little bit. You have your world view and they have theirs. It doesn’t match… and so you disagree. That doesn’t necessarily make either of you “right” or “wrong” just observers from a different angle. Either way, it’s just a matter of opinion.
Am I projecting my own fears and doubts onto someone or something?
We can never see the whole picture, and so we “fill in the blanks” with what we believe. So what we’re really seeing is US. So are you seeing monsters in the shadows? Is what you’re seeing really real, or just seemingly real? It still is frightening, but not deservedly so.
In each and every any case, it really isn't about you...
And yet it really is… All… About… YOU.
Because your life is what you see. It’s what you believe… and what you act upon.
The hurt… the act that needs forgiveness… is gone now. You can’t really expect someone else to fix it; they might not know how… or they may not even be around to do it anyway.
It’s really up to you.
Are you going to keep holding on to the pain, or let it go?
You don’t have to blame anyone anymore.
Just take the responsibility for your own healing (notice I didn’t say “blame” but “responsibility”).
Stop saying “they made me…”
They didn’t MAKE YOU anything.
Replace it with “I got hurt by…”
If you really want to lighten your load, you have to let it go.
It won’t change the actions that happened, but it will change who holds the power.
This isn’t your baggage, even if it is your flight.
Know what's going on... and move on.