Dear Guru Stu,
Four months ago, I had the stomach surgery because of being obese (I
was over 400 pounds). I’ve already lost nearly 75 pounds and continue
to lose. You would think that this would be the greatest thing in my life.
Although I’m thrilled with what’s happening to my body, the
rest of my life is being devastated. My family is starting to treat me
differently and my boyfriend has been trying to get me to gain the weight
back (which I can’t because of the surgery). I’m at a loss
of what to do.
Losing more than my weight
Dear Losing More,
Change doesn’t just happen to you, it happens to everyone around
you. Some times it’s for the better, other times it’s not.
The people around you see that this is going to be a drastic change and
they don’t know what to do with it. Either they’re comfortable
with the old you and are growing “afraid” of the uncertainty
of your future or your changes are reminding them of their own lack of
There’s nothing you can do about your surgery, or the effect it
is going to have on your body; so your focus needs to be on building your
One, reassure your family and boyfriend about your feelings for them;
show them that you still care the same, even when the outer you is transforming.
It might be that they are afraid of the unknown and just need to see some
On the other side, realize that things ARE changing. Your feelings towards
yourself and those around you very well MAY change. You, more than any
one, will have to accept that and work with it. It might be rough at first,
but the more open you are to new things, the more you will discover.
Live your life for you. If someone else can’t handle it, that really
is their problem. You did the surgery for yourself; now be ready to live
the rest of your life as well.
Note: It is highly recommended that you seek professional
counseling or a support group so that you can work through these issues
with sympathetic supporters. That will show that you are not alone, or
“wrong” as some others would want you to feel. Check with
the doctor who performed the surgery for names/numbers of support groups.