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Dear Gurustu - Losing More Than Weight
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Dear Guru Stu,

Four months ago, I had the stomach surgery because of being obese (I was over 400 pounds). I’ve already lost nearly 75 pounds and continue to lose. You would think that this would be the greatest thing in my life. Although I’m thrilled with what’s happening to my body, the rest of my life is being devastated. My family is starting to treat me differently and my boyfriend has been trying to get me to gain the weight back (which I can’t because of the surgery). I’m at a loss of what to do.


Losing more than my weight


Dear Losing More,

Change doesn’t just happen to you, it happens to everyone around you. Some times it’s for the better, other times it’s not. The people around you see that this is going to be a drastic change and they don’t know what to do with it. Either they’re comfortable with the old you and are growing “afraid” of the uncertainty of your future or your changes are reminding them of their own lack of change.

There’s nothing you can do about your surgery, or the effect it is going to have on your body; so your focus needs to be on building your new future.

One, reassure your family and boyfriend about your feelings for them; show them that you still care the same, even when the outer you is transforming. It might be that they are afraid of the unknown and just need to see some continuity.

On the other side, realize that things ARE changing. Your feelings towards yourself and those around you very well MAY change. You, more than any one, will have to accept that and work with it. It might be rough at first, but the more open you are to new things, the more you will discover.

Live your life for you. If someone else can’t handle it, that really is their problem. You did the surgery for yourself; now be ready to live the rest of your life as well.


Note: It is highly recommended that you seek professional counseling or a support group so that you can work through these issues with sympathetic supporters. That will show that you are not alone, or “wrong” as some others would want you to feel. Check with the doctor who performed the surgery for names/numbers of support groups.


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