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Dear Gurustu - Totally Confused
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Dear Guru Stu,

I'm a 16 year old girl. I've been dating "Ryan" since we started high school. I just found out from my best friend, that Ryan was seen out with another girl on several occasions. Ryan hasn't said anything to me, so I don't know what to do, pretend nothing is going on or come right out and ask him.

I'm totally confused right now.


Dear Totally,

It's always best to face up to it, and not let it fester inside you. It might not be anything between Ryan and this other girl; and hearing about it second hand will only make things seem worse. Talk to Ryan and tell him what you heard.

Now be careful, he could get defensive and deny everything. He could even get mad at you for "suspecting him." Don't let it turn back on you. Stand your ground. This is about him and her, not about attacking your self-esteem.

Also don't just settle for his answers, or the answers that your friend told you. You need to find out for yourself. Perhaps other people have also seen those two together. Yes, it's prying and a lack of trust (which Ryan might accuse you of) but if you do have a serious relationship, you need to know the facts for yourself.

If it turns out to be nothing, let your friend know that she needs to stop reading into the situation. If it turns out to be true, it's time to find out what Ryan really wants from your relationship.

You're both young. Stuff like this happens (it happens to older people too, believe me). If this turns out not-meant-to-be, then let yourself grieve over the loss of what you and Ryan have, then find someone who won't be seen hanging out with girls other than you.

Good luck.

Keep the light on!


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