Dear Guru Stu,
I'm a 16 year old girl. I've been dating "Ryan" since we started
high school. I just found out from my best friend, that Ryan was seen
out with another girl on several occasions. Ryan hasn't said anything
to me, so I don't know what to do, pretend nothing is going on or come
right out and ask him.
I'm totally confused right now.
It's always best to face up to it, and not let it fester inside you. It
might not be anything between Ryan and this other girl; and hearing about
it second hand will only make things seem worse. Talk to Ryan and tell
him what you heard.
Now be careful, he could get defensive and deny everything. He could
even get mad at you for "suspecting him." Don't let it turn
back on you. Stand your ground. This is about him and her, not about attacking
Also don't just settle for his answers, or the answers that your friend
told you. You need to find out for yourself. Perhaps other people have
also seen those two together. Yes, it's prying and a lack of trust (which
Ryan might accuse you of) but if you do have a serious relationship, you
need to know the facts for yourself.
If it turns out to be nothing, let your friend know that she needs to
stop reading into the situation. If it turns out to be true, it's time
to find out what Ryan really wants from your relationship.
You're both young. Stuff like this happens (it happens to older people
too, believe me). If this turns out not-meant-to-be, then let yourself
grieve over the loss of what you and Ryan have, then find someone who
won't be seen hanging out with girls other than you.
Keep the light on!