My husband is a very nice and perfect human being, except
that he boozes daily and chews tobacco every now and then.
I have tried to tell him to avoid it several times, but he
does not listen. He says, to avoid tensions he does that.
And sometimes he tells that he knows what is wrong and right
& I need not tell him. And sometimes he tells me, he needs
some time to quit these things. But he is telling me this
from the past 1 year. Please give a solution because I'm getting
worried about his health.
Worried and Disturbed
Every day we find ourselves in-between our desires and our
choices. No matter what the cause might be, SOMETHING is urging
us towards some action. We either choose to give in, or react
by going the opposite way in avoidance. This is not necessarily
a bad thing, since we might have the desire to be good…
to be true to ourselves… so we can't really judge our
actions, since we don't always know the reasons for them.
People are driven by two major forces… the desire for
pleasure and the avoidance of pain. People will go to great
length for either/or. In your case, you mentioned he does
it to avoid tension. For him to stop, he would have to discover
the underlying tension, want to do something about it, other
than alcohol and tobacco, then go about doing something else.
It's takes a lot of work and oftentimes, people need to hit
"rock bottom" - where they've ruined everything;
their relationships, their careers, their health - before
they actually do something about it. Hopefully this won't
be the case for him.
Undoubtedly, it's tough on you… you love him and want
to see him be healthy, happy and successful. It's not easy
watching someone hurt themselves; but you can't forcibly stop
him or live his life for him. The best you can do is talk
to him, support him and try to encourage him out of this behavior.
If you are religious, you may want to seek the counsel of
a priest or rabbi. If you are secular, you may want to seek
out a counselor. Alcohol Anonymous and Al Anon can help you
deal with the day-to-day dealings of such issues.
For the grander picture, take this time to examine your own
spirit. What do you want to do with your own life? What part
do you wish to play in all this? How can you be strong…
for yourself as well as for him? Can you do something to get
at the source of tension and remove those roadblocks?
Remember his actions are coming out of a reaction to something…
if you can get to that something, his destructive actions
may no longer be necessary.
Keep the light on!
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