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Dear Gurustu - Worried and Disturbed (Alcohol / Tobacco Abuse)
Home > Words > Letters > Worried and Disturbed (Alcohol / Tobacco Abuse)
 
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No booze or tobaccoDear Gurustu,

My husband is a very nice and perfect human being, except that he boozes daily and chews tobacco every now and then. I have tried to tell him to avoid it several times, but he does not listen. He says, to avoid tensions he does that. And sometimes he tells that he knows what is wrong and right & I need not tell him. And sometimes he tells me, he needs some time to quit these things. But he is telling me this from the past 1 year. Please give a solution because I'm getting worried about his health.

Signed,
Worried and Disturbed

 

Dear Worried,

Every day we find ourselves in-between our desires and our choices. No matter what the cause might be, SOMETHING is urging us towards some action. We either choose to give in, or react by going the opposite way in avoidance. This is not necessarily a bad thing, since we might have the desire to be good… to be true to ourselves… so we can't really judge our actions, since we don't always know the reasons for them.

People are driven by two major forces… the desire for pleasure and the avoidance of pain. People will go to great length for either/or. In your case, you mentioned he does it to avoid tension. For him to stop, he would have to discover the underlying tension, want to do something about it, other than alcohol and tobacco, then go about doing something else. It's takes a lot of work and oftentimes, people need to hit "rock bottom" - where they've ruined everything; their relationships, their careers, their health - before they actually do something about it. Hopefully this won't be the case for him.

Undoubtedly, it's tough on you… you love him and want to see him be healthy, happy and successful. It's not easy watching someone hurt themselves; but you can't forcibly stop him or live his life for him. The best you can do is talk to him, support him and try to encourage him out of this behavior.

If you are religious, you may want to seek the counsel of a priest or rabbi. If you are secular, you may want to seek out a counselor. Alcohol Anonymous and Al Anon can help you deal with the day-to-day dealings of such issues.

For the grander picture, take this time to examine your own spirit. What do you want to do with your own life? What part do you wish to play in all this? How can you be strong… for yourself as well as for him? Can you do something to get at the source of tension and remove those roadblocks?

Remember his actions are coming out of a reaction to something… if you can get to that something, his destructive actions may no longer be necessary.

Keep the light on!

Gurustu


Web Related Material

Tobacco Abuse

Alcohol Abuse

 

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